I hope that by sharing my honest experiences as I heal, that others will find help and hope. Start at the About My Quest tab.

Adam, my 6-year-old, had the stomach flu for 7 days this week.  I didn’t know that it could last that long.  The doctor said there is a virus going around right now that can last from 7-10 days.  He has been very grumpy, argumentative, and overall negative the whole time.  Chris got it Thursday early morning.  His lasted one day, at the most.  He was kind, helpful, and positive all day even though he felt awful.  By the middle of the day he was feeling so much better, and the next day it was gone.  So, did Adam’s sickness last so long because the negative energy he was carrying fed the virus, and Chris’ was over so quickly because his positive energy pushed out the virus?  It seems like it to me, and it’s what I am going with.  It reminds me of the “apple experiment”.  You say positive words to an apple and it doesn’t shrivel very fast.  You say negative words to it and it shrivels so much faster.  I’d love to hear if anyone experiments with this idea, and what your findings are!

This morning my 11-year-old, Matthew, was very grumpy getting ready for school and everything bugged him.  I reminded him that he is creating that negativity and is right now setting up his day to be negative, and that if he will change it he can have a good day.  It is all up to him, no one else. (great reminders for me, too!)  I guess he decided to change because when he got home from school, and for about an hour after that, he was in a great mood and was even reminding the rest of us to “not look at the negative of this, look at the positive!”  I made bread today and left it on the table to cool, as I always do.  We have two new dogs, but they are small enough that I didn’t think they would be able to get to the bread.  I was wrong.  So Matthew added in reference to this, “Mom, think of it like this – Jake and Piper love your cooking, as the rest of us do!”  Isn’t it amazing how when we make up our mind to do something, we can do it?  I am proud of him for changing his negative attitude into a positive one, which helped the rest of us as well.  I love my kids.

I thought that depression and suicidal thoughts wouldn’t come back since I have been doing so well, but I think maybe I just have a weakness and I may always battle it.  I can definitely not slip back for too long since I have so much knowledge now as to how to combat it.  But it rears its’ ugly head still, and I don’t like it.  I wonder if I’ll every be completely free of it?  Maybe some of it has to do with my Energy Type (Carol Tuttle’s Energy Profiling), and since I am sensitive to many things (including food, negative energy, people’s criticism, pollen, etc.) I have a hard time dealing with them.  If things are not comfortable for me, in many ways, I struggle, and then if there is too much going on at once for me to deal with, depression sets in.  It is nice, however, that I am noticing these patterns in me so that I don’t need to judge it (I wish others wouldn’t as well) and try to do better.  But do I really need to change my sensitivity and need for comfort?  Do I need to change because people don’t understand me and because they aren’t the same as me?  Carol Tuttle says it is a gift.  Others don’t see it that way.  Sometimes I don’t see it that way.  But maybe others judge it because I still judge it.  Law of Attraction – if I can stop judging myself, then others will stop also.  And if I am afraid of criticism (I am), then I am bringing that criticism right to me.  So I am adding a note onto my Angel Wall, “Thank you for helping me to understand, love, and accept myself just the way I am, which will allow others to as well.”

I’ve been working on changing the blog a little bit, and I’ve transfered over everything from the main site to the blog.  I haven’t read everything, but the bits and pieces that I have re-read, I am just so amazed at how different my thoughts, feelings, and myself in general are now.  It is not fun to re-visit the past, but I am so grateful that 19 months later I can look back and know that IT’S IN THE PAST!!!!  I definitely still get down, sad, low, depressed, anxious, etc., and who knows, maybe I always will, but I know that I can get myself out of those negative feelings and not stay stuck.  I am generally very happy, and have a wonderful future to look forward to!  I was certainly not saying that 20 months ago.  I had no future.  I am just so grateful right now.  People CAN change!  It is possible, because I did!

One of the ways My Quest  has changed a bit, is I have been really focusing on food lately, basically.  Learning about the food industry (see “Chew On This” book, and “Food Incorporated” movie), specific foods and health, gardening and other home food production.  (it’s late and I’m tired, so I might not be making a whole lot of sense)  I’ve learned about alot of this stuff years ago, but it’s come up for me again and I’m grasping onto it more than ever – it feels amazing and right.  I have gone 100% Raw (eating) a couple of times in the past, but was frustrated with it for one reason or another.  But Carol Tuttle introduced me to www.greensmoothiegirl.com and she is what has gotten me going again (not 100%).  Love it.  My husband and I have been so busy the last few months with all of this, including re-doing our yard so we can be as self-sufficient as possible (we added bees to our yard this year and harvested our first batch of honey last week!!) which I’m sure will take another year or so.  Our backyard might look like a mini-farm, right in Bountiful Utah! (I’ve started calling it the Flanagan Family Farm )  Hope we’re not going to be in trouble.  So the plans so far are: bees (adding another colony), chickens (mostly for winter food and food storage since we’re not eating much meat or animal products these days), adding at least 6 fruit trees, grapes, raspberries, and a huge vegetable garden – we only have 1/4 acre.  Hopefully we can keep enough grass for our boys to play!!  Fortunately I manifested my family giving me a Blendtec blender for Mother’s Day this year (it’s a cool story, remind me to share it sometime – I’ll probably forget) which was basically the start of all of this – this year at least.

I’m thinking of changing the look of the blog, it’s boring and sterile, and isn’t fun for me to write on or look at!  Maybe that’s part of my “writer’s block”  Also, I loved going to the Facebook Group page and seeing a few more Members – awesome!  But I just added a Page as well, it seems easier than a Group.  The reason I made (make) this blog is to help people.  I hope it’s working.  So if you’d like to Like this blog, you can visit Facebook or just click on the Like button at the right of the blog.  You can also now “Share on Facebook” each post, click on the F below each post.

On my Vision Wall I have started adding cards for my Angels to help me manifest things.  Listen to Carol Tuttle’s radio show “Create Your Own Angel Wall!” from 7/19/2010 on iTunes or Blog Talk Radio, and Carol explains more about Angels helping us in her Petitioning Your Angels cd.  It makes so much sense to me, that God can’t do everything himself, he has the Angels to help him help us.  I’m looking forward to reporting on this process as it unfolds.

I can’t believe how long it has been since I have written – too long!  Not that I haven’t thought many times of writing, I just haven’t done it.  There have been many things happening for me since I last wrote and it would take me too long to catch up!

It is amazing how manifestation works.  I am grateful every day, and thank my Heavenly Father daily in prayer, for the knowledge that he pours out to me.  Then, more comes!  I have been so busy the last few months because of the knowledge that I have been constantly given, and I am trying to catch my breath!  This is actually a big reason why I haven’t posted in so long.  I spend way too long on the computer doing research of the many new things that show up for me, and then doing photography editing, it is just too much for me.  Anyway, I definitely agree that when we are grateful, more shows up.  It is so great!

The Universe keeps bringing Agency to my attention the last few days, so I guess there is something I need to pay attention to and learn from!

Last night, Chris gave our family a lesson for our Family Home Evening on Agency and choices.  And on Sunday, one of the lessons that was taught in church was about Agency!  The teacher asked the attendees to give examples of how we have made a choice and then noticed the consequences of those choices (she only wanted good examples).  I immediately thought of a choice that I made with Nicholas being born, but I felt stupid sharing it in the class.  But I will share it here.  When I was 7 months along with my oldest child, I was 21 years old, we were told that he had a hole in his heart which would need open-heart surgery, plus he had a “coarctation” (a narrowing of an arch in his heart, which would need to be fixed a few days after his birth), and on top of that there is a 50% chance that he could have Down syndrome which will bring a whole slew of problems on its’ own.  Our world was shattered – or so we thought.  We decided to have an amniocentesis just to be sure so that we were prepared at his birth.  We met with the Geneticist and we were told that he does have Down syndrome and that abortion is an option if we choose it.  I have never believed in abortion, and although at the time I felt like my life was basically over and would be miserable from then on,  it was a very easy decision to keep him.  As I look back on the last 13-1/2 years since Nicholas’ birth, I am so amazed that even though it has been a hard road with him I have learned so much and wouldn’t trade him for anything!  He has brought things into my life that I never could have learned or experienced otherwise.  I know that Chris feels the same way.  So my point is that not all of our choices that we make in life are going to be easy or fun, but if they are right then the pay-offs will be well-worth it and amazing!

Today this was on Carol Tuttle’s Remembering Wholeness Facebook Group Page:  “In every moment, during every day of your life, you have choices. The choice to create more struggle or the choice to create more freedom and joy.” “Choose thoughts that support you in feeling good more and more each day.”

And to end, this story was forwarded to me through email this morning.  I love it…

John is the kind of guy you love to hate.   He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say.  When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, ‘If I were any better, I would be twins!’  He was a natural motivator.  If an employee was having a bad day, John was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.  Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up and asked him, ‘I don’t get it!  You can’t be a positive person all of the time.  How do you do it?’

He replied, ‘Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today.  You can choose to be in a good mood or…you can choose to be in a bad mood.  I choose to be in a good mood.  Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or…I can choose to learn from it.  I choose to learn from it.  Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or…I can point out the positive side of life.  I choose the positive side of life.’

‘Yeah, right, it’s not that easy,’ I protested.

‘Yes, it is,’ he said.  ‘Life is all about choices.  When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice.  You choose how you react to situations.  You choose how people affect your mood.  You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood.  The bottom line:  It’s your choice how you live your life.’

I reflected on what he said.  Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business..  We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that he was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower.  After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, he was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back.  I saw him about six months after the accident.  When I asked him how he was, he replied, ‘If I were any better, I’d be twins…Wanna see my scars?’  I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place.  ‘The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon-to-be born daughter,’ he replied.  ‘Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices:  I could choose to live or…I could choose to die.  I chose to live.’

‘Weren’t you scared?  Did you lose consciousness?’  I asked..

He continued, ‘….the paramedics were great.  They kept telling me I was going to be fine.  But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared.  In their eyes, I read ‘he’s a dead man’.  I knew I needed to take action.’

‘What did you do?’ I asked.

‘Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me,’ said John.  ‘She asked if I was allergic to anything ‘Yes, I replied.’  The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply.  I took a deep breath and yelled, ‘Gravity’  Over their laughter, I told them, ‘I am choosing to live.  Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead.’”

He lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude….I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully.  Attitude, after all, is everything.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.’

After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

This was in my email Inbox this morning.  When I read it, I felt such a strong sense that it is completely true!  It always helps me to know how much He loves me.  I hope you enjoy it…

“Think of the purest, most all-consuming love you can imagine. Now multiply that love by an infinite amount—that is the measure of God’s love for you.”God does not look on the outward appearance (see 1 Samuel 16:7). I believe that He doesn’t care one bit if we live in a castle or a cottage, if we are handsome or homely, if we are famous or forgotten. Though we are incomplete, God loves us completely. Though we are imperfect, He love us perfectly, Though we may feel lost and without compass, God’s love encompasses us completely.” -Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “The Love of God,” Ensign, Nov. 2009

A few months ago, I saw a few pictures that Carol Tuttle had posted of her backyard (and the mountain that is right by her house).  I thought about how I would love to actually see it and her house.  So without any real NEED to go there, I thought of myself actually there and seeing those places, and I did it with a “warm fuzzy” feeling in me.  I have thought of that several times since then and just felt that warm feeling, without feeling like “I just HAVE to get there!” because that doesn’t seem to manifest things happening for me.  At Christmas, I decided to give family and close friends any picture they wanted from Chris and my photography website, and I really wanted to give one to Carol Tuttle just as a token of my gratitude for all she has (unknowingly) done for me.  So I gave her a 16×20.  When we went down to her Center to deliver the picture she wanted, the night before actually, I had a dream that she asked me to be her photographer.  I thought of that all day, and was very nervous to meet her, in case she was going to be there at the Center when we dropped off the picture.  Luckily (maybe?) she wasn’t.  But I have thought of that dream since then and thought, “That would be really neat if that ever happened!”, but again, without any needy feelings.  Just noticed the thoughts and had good feelings attached.  Also, I have met Carol at the Center on a few occasions for a book signing, or while in there to do an energy draping with my sister, etc. and I have met Anne (her daughter) as well, but I really am just a “client” like all of the other thousands of people that they see and meet.  So I have no personal attachments to the Tuttle family, except that I gave Carol a photo for Christmas.  Ok, so I am finally getting to the real point of this post!  Two weeks ago, I received an email from Anne Tuttle Brown …. asking me if …. this is so HUGE!!! …. we would take pictures of the women in her family!!  She had seen the pictures that Chris and I took of my sisters all Dressing our Truth, and she thought that was a neat idea and wanted us to do that for her family (including Carol!)  Chris and I were blown away – we were so grateful and excited!!!  We are just starting out and haven’t had much experience yet, and for one of our first clients to be the Tuttles, that is just so ironic!  A few days after emailing back and forth with Anne, she said that they actually want us to do photos of: the girls, each family, the big family, etc.  So it is much more than just a few shots of the Tuttle girls.  We were so thrilled, and nervous, for days until the shoot last week.  So here are a few photos of that shoot (you can see more at our website www.chrisandheatherphotography.com):

I think it is just so perfect that I got to take pictures of the main person who has really helped me to heal, has given me an inexhaustible amount of information and help, and has been the one who has helped me turn around my fears & issues about money and prosperity!

My son came to me the other day with a problem that he didn’t know how to deal with.  It turned out to be a huge lesson in the Law of Attraction/Creation for him, and a few lightbulbs went on in my head as well as I was talking to him!  Since Carol Tuttle and her family are so knowledgeable at how to consciously create their lives, they have more positive energy and are at a higher vibratory level.  So naturally, they would draw to them those people and experiences that are also at a similar level as themselves.  If I would have been doing photography before I started healing, I have no doubt that I would not have gotten the email from Anne asking to take their pictures.  What a testimony to me at how far I have come!

We ALL are creators.  We create every thing we experience (at least those things we are aware of), even if we think we don’t.  But, I am finally in a place in my life where I am consciously creating my life.  Not to where I should be with it yet, but I am on the right track!  I used to think that being a conscious creator of my life meant that I had to drum up every scenario that I wanted to happen, and then it would.  I believe that can happen, but it is also that we have such positive energy that positive things are attracted to us even if we haven’t thought about what it is exactly that we want.  I have noticed a big shift in my life in the last month or a little more, and I can just feel that I am on the upward climb with it. I strongly feel that a big reason why I am doing so well and am improving so fast is that I give myself daily support.  Right now I am praying and reading my scriptures, as usual, but am listening to Carol Tuttle’s podcasts from her radio shows as much as I can in the day.  I know that this is so helpful, because I remember throughout the day things that she says and so I can practice it right away.  Daily support is HUGE.  So I will post more about some of the things I have created lately, but not yet.