I hope that by sharing my honest experiences as I heal, that others will find help and hope. Start at the About My Quest tab.

This was in my email Inbox this morning.  When I read it, I felt such a strong sense that it is completely true!  It always helps me to know how much He loves me.  I hope you enjoy it…

“Think of the purest, most all-consuming love you can imagine. Now multiply that love by an infinite amount—that is the measure of God’s love for you.”God does not look on the outward appearance (see 1 Samuel 16:7). I believe that He doesn’t care one bit if we live in a castle or a cottage, if we are handsome or homely, if we are famous or forgotten. Though we are incomplete, God loves us completely. Though we are imperfect, He love us perfectly, Though we may feel lost and without compass, God’s love encompasses us completely.” -Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “The Love of God,” Ensign, Nov. 2009

This year has started out just fabulously.  Not to say I haven’t had issues – I absolutely have.  But, I am THRILLED that my issues are coming up for me so that I can clear them.  It feels so great to start a new year being happy and already starting to thrive.  I’ve never felt this before.  And in just the last few weeks, I feel like I’ve reached a new level to my healing or consciousness or … something.  I can’t think of what it would be called.  But I am more aware and conscious of creating my life, and am more able to remember the things that I have been learning, experiencing and practicing for this last year.  I just can’t say enough how grateful I am for the help I have received this last year and how well I am doing!  Life is amazing, when you’re conscious of it and are purposefully creating it!

I listened to two of Carol Tuttle’s blog talk radio shows this morning that I wanted to mention.  The first one is from 9/21/09 “2 important things to ask God that will completely change your life”.  This is a very short one, but I loved how she says that when we ask God for things it’s like saying, “If you have time to help poor little me”, or “if you ever get around to it”, and that is saying that we don’t really believe that He will help us or believe that we’re important enough for Him to help us.  So she says to say instead basically, “Thank you, God, for helping me with this thing” and in that way we are knowing that He is helping us and thanking Him for the help.  And then she gives 2 things to ask Him for specifically to help us get on with learning and fixing ourselves. (I’ll just let you go and listen to it instead of me writing it out.  It’s a really good podcast.  Well, they all are.)  The second podcast I have been listening to today is from the week before, 9/15/09 “Clearing the Issues that are Keeping You Fat”.  She talks for a few minutes at the beginning about how we need to make our emotional maintenance a daily practice, and likens it to our physical bodies.  We are pretty good at taking care of our bodies, brushing our teeth, showering daily, etc.  These things are daily practices, but if we were only to do them once in a while, we’d get tooth decay or get other physical illnesses.  Same with people who are a master at something, like Michael Phelps.  He doesn’t just get out in the pool and say, “Ok, I’m good with that time that I got, that’s all I need to do,” but he keeps practicing and working on maintaining that time and even getting it better.  So, with our emotional health, we can’t expect to just read or hear some great advice or knowledge and expect to be a master at it.  We have to practice at it every day.  Carol still practices these things daily, and she considers herself a “master”.  So if even the masters have to practice daily, then we definitely have to practice to get these things solidified in our brains!  Anyway, I just loved hearing that, because I am definitely guilty of saying in the past, “I have heard these things so many times, so why am I still not getting it”, or “…still not able to get to my issues quicker”, or “… stay happy” or whatever.  I am so grateful that I heard this podcast, and so grateful that Carol has these weekly shows as another way that she provides support and shows everyone that she cares so much!

I’ve been really pondering the last few days about why I am still having issues with money, and I really feel like it isn’t so much “what am I not doing” or “how am I blocking money to flow to me”, but simply that I am not exercising faith that everything will be taken care of.  I believe, as I have stated in previous posts, in the Law of Attraction and that we can create things the way we want them, but I also believe in God and I want His help with my life and only He knows what is best for me.  Since I pray for His help, then I need to have faith that He will help.  So, I think I’m blocking His help because I’m thinking that this issue is all my problem and I’m not believing that He will help like I have asked.  I hope that makes sense – it’s morning.

I haven’t talked about Carol Tuttle’s Dressing Your Truth and Energy Profiling in a while, so I’m going to now.  I realized that I am a Type 2 movement person a few months ago and have been dressing (plus hair and makeup) that way ever since.  It took me a little while to get used to it, but I LOVE it now!  I am having fun shopping (I used to HATE shopping, never thought I looked good in anything, didn’t know what to look for, would buy things and never wear them because I felt stupid in them, etc.) and I now feel good about the way I look every day.  Her system might not be perfect (what earthly system is?), but she has SO much great information that I just adore and I am so grateful for it!  Dressing this way also helps me to be validated in who I really am.  I don’t have to pretend to be someone else.  I am great for me and it feels awesome.  To give you a little testimony of this, I chatted with a woman today who goes to my church.  I don’t know her yet, and no one has ever given me such a huge and blatant compliment until now.  And I’m not writing this for my ego, but to show how this system just works!  So she told me (not verbatim), “I just feel that I need to tell you this.  I look up at you on the stand every Sunday (leading the music) and love the reverence you portray, and you are so beautiful.  You must have a gift for fashion,” I chuckled inside because I have not been fashionable probably ever, and that has been a huge topic of frustration for me, “and I just don’t have that gift.  I never know what to wear, but you just look so beautiful all of the time and I think it is so wonderful.” And she said that she couldn’t quite explain what she was meaning, but something about the whole picture of me.  I said that I think I understood what she was saying, but I unfortunately didn’t have time to explain Energy Profiling and Dressing Your Truth.  I was completely shocked!  I thanked her for that great compliment and she said, “Thank YOU!”  I don’t quite understand why she was thanking me for it, but the way I look lately obviously has had an effect on her.  I have never known anyone to thank someone for looking beautiful and “fashionable” (still not sure about that, but dressing my truth makes it seem that I am being fashionable because everything just works together and works with my energy).  Since I’ve been “dressing my truth”, people can tell that I look and feel better and they are noticing.  But most of all, I am noticing, and I love it.  I highly recommend everyone look into this.  Not so that other people will notice, but so that you will feel great about yourself and love the way you look.  I believe that God wants us to look our best, and feel our best.  And this information (Energy Profiling, and her book It’s Just My Nature! from the Store section) can help!  LOVE IT!!!

I am feeling really good this morning (part of it may be that I got to sleep-in?!). I woke up and while still laying there I looked at my Vision Wall and pondered about all of it for probably 10 minutes. So I got out of bed already feeling happy, positive, grateful and loving.

For as long as I can remember, my body has healed extremely slowly. Just a couple of examples: I remember as a teenager having a sprained ankle literally for years because it wouldn’t heal quickly and then since it was weak I would sprain it again. And in the summer of 2007 I strained my shoulder sawing a limb off a tree. It still hasn’t healed. I didn’t go to a doctor for it. With all of the “luck” I have had in my life with doctors actually doing anything to heal me I thought, “why bother?” So I’ve had a hurt shoulder for over a year and a half, and it’s caused other problems with my arm, hand and thumb. Anyway, I just tapped on how my body doesn’t heal quickly and the way that God intended it to. And then I tapped on the positive things like, “I allow my body to heal rapidly and the way that God intended it to.” And anything else that I could think of.

This whole quest that I am on is completely a lifestyle change. Whenever I used to hear of something that I wanted to try for healing, I would try it for awhile, or just think of it a couple of times a day or whatever, but I wouldn’t really immerse myself in it. And I would just think, “ok, I’ve tapped on that issue, now I’ll be happy!” or “I completely agree with that idea, so now that I’ve learned it I’ll be happy!” But I didn’t remember the things that I had learned and wasn’t changing my constant negative thinking and feeling patterns. Now that I am doing things the way that I am, it is just so obvious that I was doing things the wrong way before. At least for me, I have to completely surround myself through my entire day with all of this new way of thinking (i.e. Vision Board, Mind Movie, listening to cd’s while I’m in the car or exercising or working around the house, reading and studying these new positive methods and the Law of Attraction and scriptures, writing down Affirmations, looking at all of this stuff even while brushing my teeth) I know that it is paying off. I used to constantly think negative thoughts, but now I find that those negative thoughts just aren’t there. And if they do come, I’m strengthened enough that I can change that thought to a positive one and remember the things that I am learning about. I just love this so much!! I know that I will never be the same as I used to be. Thank heaven.

I went for a walk today. Luckily my knees and everything were well enough! My feet have been bothering me lately, and I really think it’s because I am wearing the same shoes that I’ve had for probably 15 years. Not that I’ve worn them every day, because only a short amount of that time have I actually worn them. But I know they’re worn out. Anyway, I haven’t bought new ones because of lack of money. But, now that I’m getting well, I am going to buy some new ones on Monday because I need them, and because I am getting over my lack of money issues, and money is now finding its’ way to me.

I am listening again to Carol Tuttle’s Affirmations to Change Your Life Now cd, again. I really like most of her stuff, it is so helpful! I don’t say the, ”Thank you God” affirmations, I just think we shouldn’t use His name that often out loud. I am also not quite sure about the whole petitioning your angels idea that she has. I believe that we are to ask God for help, and then if He chooses to help and he needs angels to help us, then He will ask them. But those are the only two things so far that I haven’t agreed with her about.

Tonight Chris and I went to the adult session of Stake Conference (a church meeting twice a year where members of my church in a larger area meet together for spiritual talks and music). Before January, I really tried to go to all church meetings, and I usually was glad that I went. But now, I don’t just try to go, I WANT to go. I have found that every meeting that I go to, I love being there.  I feel very enlightened while I’m there and really just have a wonderful feeling while I’m there and always learn something and feel edified.  In the meeting, it was talked about a little about writing in a journal for posterity to read about your life.

I’m listening to Carol Tuttle’s Art of Manifesting cd today. She has got some really powerful stuff, and it’s neat to hear the information of the Law of Attraction be displayed in different ways.

It will be so nice when my brain lets all of this stuff stick that I’m learning. It’s frustrating that I’m positive one minute, and then everything falls, and I have to build myself up again. I wonder how long it will take? I am positive and happy for a few minutes, and then I’m really low again. I even thought “ok, just go on medication, it’s SO much easier”. But I remember that medication doesn’t work for me anyway, it gives me side effects, AND I want to be healed. So, I’ll stick this out.

I took myself to my room after dinner because I was really low.  I just sat on the bed and cried. I said a prayer first and then I tapped on “even though I’m sad and I have these negative feelings and I have no idea why.” I feel better. It would be so nice for someone to just tell me, “This is what you do, this is how long it will take, these are the feelings you are going to have and they are normal and this is what you do about them.”

Carol Tuttle talks about God in all of this process. She says that He is the co-creator with her in her life. He has created all things and has made it possible for her to create anything. This was good timing: in her cd she just said that since we are so used to the negative states in which we live, we have to be dedicated and stick with this stuff. It might be 6 months until we have really made these changes stick, and we’re going to slip up now and again. That’s great to hear!

I just went on a walk and listened to The Secret, I feel so good and energized now!

I got three fillings yesterday, and with every filling that I’ve ever had (10+), I have had sensitivity, pain, and other problems with them that usually last a few months at least. My new fillings aren’t bothering me at all today. That is a miracle! The Law of Attraction really is working positively for me already!!

Matthew (10) since getting home from school today has been adorable. He has been happy (almost all of the time), and giving me hugs and doing nice things. Maybe the things I’m teaching him about the things I am learning are helping him to be happier, or he’s responding to the changes I am making. Whatever it is, it is so great!

The more I listen to Carol Tuttle’s cd’s, the more I like her. She and I have so many of the same beliefs. And she puts a lot of our shared beliefs in her stuff, whereas most other people don’t.

Another harder morning. Definitely not as hard as my “old self”, but not that easy, either. I took offense at something too which is making it even harder for me to be positive and happy. I said some forgivenesses which helped a little, now I need to focus on getting myself happy for a few minutes.

I said my prayers and I felt better, then I did my energy exercises (from The Promise of Energy Psychology by David Feinstein, Donna Eden, and Gary Craig) while breathing fairly deeply and looking at my Vision Board Wall (I do the homolateral exercises since my energies are switched still. I know they’re switched because I have someone push on my arm while I put my other hand on my head. But I can’t remember now how exactly to tell, and I can’t remember which book it says it in.)

In the mail the other day was a March of Dimes and a Leukemia Lymphoma donation envelope. I never pay to those since I’ve always been in debt and didn’t feel like I could give to those causes, plus I give a 10% tithing to my church already. But I’ve been reading about giving. When we don’t give because we think we don’t have enough money then we’re putting ourselves in the “lack” mode and that we need to help others and give money, even more so than we would normally. So, I did. Instead of throwing the envelopes away, I put $2 in each and sent them off and had feelings of gratitude that we do have money and I can help others. It felt really good! I know $2 isn’t much, but for me it is and I think that’s what matters.

Knowing now what my children’s aura colors (and thus their real personalities) are is helping me to understand them better and be more accepting of them. Pamala Oslie is so awesome!

While I worked on my website, I listened to Carol Tuttle’s “Affirmations to Change Your Life Now”. She says that “I am” are the two most powerful words which to create. She explains when Christ says, “I am that I am” it means He is the Creator. Interesting, I had always wondered what that meant!!

It’s so interesting to me (and a little frustrating, but I’m trying to be positive) that sometimes certain methods of healing will work for me, and other times they don’t. For instance, some days looking at my Vision Board and Mind Movie will really give me a happiness and joyful feeling, but today, I’m having to go deeper than that. Just those simple things aren’t really working for me. I just lay on the bed and meditated for a few minutes and breathed deeply (breathing always helps) and I thought of doing some EFT. I have NO idea why I’m kindof down and grumpy today, so I just tapped on, “I’m feeing down and negative for some reason today”. After doing that for a few minutes, I definitely feel better. Still not what I’ve felt before, but better. So I need to not be discouraged that what I usually do doesn’t work, I just need to keep doing the many things that I’m learning about and I’ll get there.

This just came in an email to me today: “’For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. Be not thou therefore ashamed of the testimony of our Lord.’ (2 Timothy 1:7–8.)” God does not want us to fear, and He has given us power and a sound mind and love. So the negative stuff obviously comes from the adversary because it doesn’t come from God!

I’ve been thinking about my knees and it keeps popping into my mind about what it says in James 2:17 “Faith, if it hath not works, is dead.” I take that to mean that we can’t just have faith and do nothing to help things along. We can’t expect Heavenly Father to do EVERYTHING for us. For instance, we’re told that we need to exercise to be healthy. Well, if I don’t like exercising, does God accept that and say, “Ok, since you don’t like to do it, I’ll just strengthen your body for you.” Nope. He doesn’t work that way. So, since I’ve prayed for healing, maybe Heavenly Father expects me to do “works” as well. I did EFT, but I think maybe He wants me to strengthen my knees on my own. Especially since I haven’t had regular exercise in probably 10 years, my knees are weak. So I need to do my part to strengthen them. Yuck. But I want healing, so I’ll do the dreaded walking every day and specific knee-strengthening exercises so that I can eventually dance and do other fun exercising. I’ve done knee strengthening exercises in the past, and while it definitely strengthened my leg muscles, it didn’t help my knee problems. But, now that I am focusing on using The Law of Attraction in a positive way, maybe this time it will work!

This was very timely, but an email just came from The Science of Getting Rich about Actions. It talked about how we shouldn’t just work hard for something, but think about what you want first, and really believe you can have it, then act (and it should be Inspired Action, like it says in The Secret)

Ok, I just went on a walk. I almost didn’t go, but I just stopped thinking about it and got ready and out the door. I said affirmations to myself the whole way (only about 15 minutes, but it’s a start!) and really tried to breathe deeply and lots. Now that I’m home, I still feel like I want to focus on breathing and do it deeply. It feels really good. I still want to research more into it, but I looked up breathe and Breath of Life in the scriptures, and I found in Genesis 2:7 “And the Lord God…breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.” I find that very interesting. By God’s breath, man came alive? Yes, breathing sustains our life and if we go for more than a few minutes without it we die, but why? Why can we go without food and water for days longer, but not without air? Then in Genesis 7:22 it’s talking about during the flood of Noah, and how when the flood came everything died, “All in whose nostrils was the breath of life, of all that was in the dry land, died.” I want to research this more later.

Adam is in his room screaming at me. He’s been sad, angry, non-compliant, argumentative, and not listening all week. If I am getting better, why is he getting worse? It’s been nice, though, that I haven’t been mean back to him. I’ve stayed calm, most of the time. I did raise my voice once to him, but I am trying to be proud of myself that I did so well! And I FEEL better about myself when I do positive things, which makes me in a better mood!

Wow this has been a roller coaster of a day with my moods. I can’t seem to stay positive. This evening was very rotten, I got mad at Adam and was just totally frustrated with him and the other boys. I always feel so bad when the boys go to bed with me mad. After they got in bed, I’ve been sitting here in the quiet, reading my scriptures, then doing some EFT on Adam and me. I think I know what his problem is this week, that I’ve hardly paid any attention to him, other than telling him “no” or just micro-managing things he should be doing. I’m sure that he hasn’t been listening to me, yelling at me, saying I’m being mean, etc. because he’s starving for my attention, poor little boy. Tomorrow I will do better. Hopefully that is the answer. In the meantime, I’m trying to forgive myself and be positive. I need to go to bed early.