I hope that by sharing my honest experiences as I heal, that others will find help and hope. Start at the About My Quest tab.

I just listened to Carol Tuttle’s podcast from August 3, 2009 “Learning to Live True to ME…” and towards the end of the radio show she responds to a few callers.  These last few minutes were amazing for me and just what I needed to hear right now.  Carol told one caller to enjoy the journey and process of this life, and not give herself a timeline as to when she needs to get past an issue.  This life is about the process we are all on to improve, so we need to enjoy it and be happy while we’re experiencing it all.  Carol has been practicing the Law of Attraction stuff for 18 years, and she still practices it daily and is still dealing with issues.

Another thing she said which was awesome was that out of all of the information that she has out for people, she says that Energy Profiling should be learned first to get to know our true nature.  I thought that was so interesting that she thinks it is the number 1 thing that everyone should learn about first.  And as I think about that, I agree with her.  I was introduced to Remembering Wholeness years ago and I liked it.  I read her next book It’s Just My Nature! when it first came out in 2009 and it completely clicked with me and I haven’t been able to stop talking or thinking about it.  It has done wonders for me in learning about who I really am and honoring myself, and also honoring everyone else and not expecting others to be like me.  So click here for the Energy Profiling website – that is where to start.  You can buy the book “It’s Just My Nature!” from there, she has specials on there frequently where you get the book and the online course and something else for a good price.  I’d suggest doing that.  Or you can just buy the book from Amazon.com or some other place.  The next step after you figure out what your energy type is.  You don’t determine it by how you act right now – because alot of us aren’t acting who we TRULY are.  I had acted completely different for 24 years.  This isn’t a personality test.  It is about your energy.  It might take a while to figure out your true Energy Type, but it is so worth it!  They have a few ways of helping us figure out what our true Energy Type is.  Then once you know that, then go to Dressing Your Truth to learn about how to dress the way that is honoring to your energy.  It really does make a difference.  Everyone who has gone through this system says it is life changing, and it really is!  It is amazing information and I am SO grateful for it!!!

I just started re-reading Carol Tuttle‘s Remembering Wholeness tonight.  I am not sure that I have read it since being on my quest.  If I have, it was fairly early-on and with all that I have experienced and learned this year, I am adoring this book and I’m only on the second chapter!  As soon as I finish writing this, I will type out several of the things she says in chapter 2 and print it out to look at every day.  If you haven’t read this book yet, or if you haven’t read it in a while, I highly recommend reading it now.  It is amazing, and I am excited what my quest will be like now after reading it again.  Here are some quotes that I love just from chapter 2: “As you set thoughts of what you want in motion, in combination with the excited emotion, you will be in a perfect position to receive that which you desire.”   “The more specific you are about what you want, the more specifically you will receive that which you want.”   “Ask yourself, ‘Why are you creating that? Why are you attracting that into your life? What do you have to learn from it? What do you really want? If the ideal thing happened in this situation, what would that look like? You can create anything you want; what do you want to happen?’”  “Catch yourself thinking the worst and ask yourself in that moment, ‘If I could have anything I want in this situation, what would that look like?’”

I’ve been really pondering the last few days about why I am still having issues with money, and I really feel like it isn’t so much “what am I not doing” or “how am I blocking money to flow to me”, but simply that I am not exercising faith that everything will be taken care of.  I believe, as I have stated in previous posts, in the Law of Attraction and that we can create things the way we want them, but I also believe in God and I want His help with my life and only He knows what is best for me.  Since I pray for His help, then I need to have faith that He will help.  So, I think I’m blocking His help because I’m thinking that this issue is all my problem and I’m not believing that He will help like I have asked.  I hope that makes sense – it’s morning.

It has been a long time.  Today I realized some things that I needed to write down.  I have been spending so much time with photography, and loving it, that I have let many other things slide by with hardly a notice.  I know that when you love what you do and don’t want to stop, that is a good thing but also can be a bad thing.  Good because we should all do what we love, or love what we do, and bad because it can consume all of our thoughts and time and we neglect other worthy things.  I am very guilty of this, and it makes me feel guilty.  So I know that somehow I need to greatly reduce my photography time so that I am not neglecting all of the other things in my life that need attention.  I have also realized that I have let myself “forget” to be positive and grateful.  I have been complaining quite often the last few weeks and being negative about things, which by the law of attraction it is bringing more negative situations into my life.  I need to reverse that immediately before I get down too deep.  And the last thing I realized is that when I am too invested in something happening a certain way, or I expect it to be negative, then I am attracting the negative and pushing away anything positive that I want.  A few examples: my sister and I have been to a few events lately where there is a drawing for a prize.  Both times she has won something.  I asked her what she does to attract winning, and she said that she thinks about her name being called and her winning but then lets it go and doesn’t dwell on it.  And I think that is where I go wrong, that I get too focused on the thing that I want and don’t just “let it go” and so I am actually pushing it away.  I did a little experiment with that this week with some people who are a constant negative in my life right now.  I decided to just relax and not think negative thoughts about them and not be bothered with the things that they do that I don’t like.  That day the negative things that usually happen with them, didn’t.

There is one more thing that I have been thinking about lately and am finally writing about it.  First off, I LOVE the Energy Profiling system by Carol Tuttle, and am actually, finally, liking the way I look (well, more so anyway) because I have been Dressing My Truth and learning more about myself.  So, I have had so much to do the last month or more because of photography that I am constantly rushing and trying to get as much done as I can every day.  I have loved the photography stuff, but have not liked rushing and having so much to do because of the energy type that I am – it is going against my true nature.  Which is a negative just by itself, and then it seeps into other ways of bringing negativity into my life.  So I need to figure out how I can do the things that I love but stay true to myself.  I’m not sure yet how to do this.  And I need to write more in my blog.

On a lighter note today, from Friday to Sunday a series of events happened quickly and easily, and I am now well on my way to fulfilling my dream of being a Photographer!  Friday I asked an old friend a simple photography question.  She told me about a free program that she uses, so I downloaded it and started playing around with it.  It is so easy to use that one thing led to another, and now Chris and I have our own Photography website, and are working together on something that we both love!  Chris and Heather Photography.   Hopefully working together can help us improve our relationship and we can change issues that we’ve had.  Maybe that’s another reason we felt like we should do this as a team, not just for the business, but for us.  Also, we’ve had so many ideas and gotten so much accomplished in these last few days.  It is reminding me of what the Law of Attraction experts say about how when something is right things just flow to you, and it is effortless to do that thing.  That is exactly how it has been!  It started this year when we got our good camera, and now we have a business name and website, and things are rolling along.  Before this year with my quest, I never thought I would actually get to do photography or even anything that seemed fun and effortless.  To me, this truly is a miracle.

It’s been gloomy and rainy today, there was a bit of a set-back with my computer/photography stuff, and I have had a tough time today being happy and positive.  Tomorrow will be better.  Right?

I found another child-tracking device to try for Nicholas that was just released yesterday.  It sounds like it is going to be awesome.  They have a few bonus’ for their launch, so I am grateful that I got those bonuses since I ordered before Sept. 1!  Amber Alert GPS 2G I have been stressing the last few months about Nicholas and his wandering, so it will be incredible if this unit is the answer to prayer!

I am remembering more and more lately that I create my life, or actually co-create it with God.  But I have loved “owning” my situation, experiences, issues, etc. instead of always thinking that life just happens to me and I have to take what I am given.  In listening to The Secret today (I wonder how many times I’ve listened to it now – 50?  100?  I never get tired of it, and every time I listen I think, “Oh yeah, I keep forgetting that!”) it was talking about how we treat ourselves and how others treat us is a direct reflection of that.  I really believe it!  I still don’t like myself very well, and am frustrated at all of my faults and how long it’s taking me to change.  And since last week I have noticed that I am still creating people who I offend, or people who don’t like me or get mad at me.  That’s completely my problem and I need to change my views of myself, and love myself so that I can love others and others can love me.  Once I love myself and accept myself, I won’t create those negative situations anymore.  That will be so awesome when that time comes!

I am listening to Carol Tuttle’s weekly radio show and at the end of this week’s show she talks about some great things.  She says that the law of attraction has presented to people wrong, that we really should feel our negative feelings and “own our stuff” but then let it go and choose something different, and then surrender and trust that we’ll be taken care of and we’ll get the things that we need.  When we hold on so tight, we’re not trusting and we’re just pushing our good from coming to us.  She says we need to let out the feelings and go there.  Don’t try and hold yourself “in superficial status”, and we need to allow ourselves to go in and feel and deal with the issues.  So go to the heart of the feelings, but then say that I am the creator of my world, and I now choose <blank>.  Emotions make things feel like they are very real.  I love reading and listening to her stuff!

Since the beginning of my quest, I have known that eating and exercising is included in my overall healing that I have so desired.  But, I have been addicted to sugar for too many years, and I absolutely hate to exercise.  I have needed some major goals, but haven’t thought of any.  Chris started his Body-for-Life challenge on Monday, and like I said, he asked if I wanted to do it also.  In fact, he printed out two copies (he said it was an accident.  Do I believe him?!) of the paperwork need to start the challenge and he used that to ask me if I wanted to do it with him since he had an extra copy.  I believe I created that happening to get me going on this, and that this is going to be life-changing, if I let it.  So I’ve been thinking about it and reading his Body-for-Life book.  I have no doubt that I need to do it, and that it will be a great thing for me.  So, I’m going to start as soon as I have a plan and figure out what I need to do for the challenge.  And this time, I WILL stick with the 12 week challenge to the end, I WILL see amazing results, and I WILL let this be life-changing!

I’ve been struggling to know what to write here lately since things have been about the same with me.  Still having a hard time with my worth, and my quest has still been put on hold a little because I’m trying to get so many things done.  But today I’ve realized a few things and I am grateful for the experiences I had yesterday:

I woke up in a very negative state of mind and was very hard on myself.  I didn’t work at all to change it, and so it spiraled – just like the Law of Attraction says.  Over the next few hours I watched a family member get angry at another family member (in church, too!) and storm out as I was trying to lead the congregation in a song in preparation to partake of the Sacrament, I was told some things about other family members that were negative, my sister and I got in trouble by an irate man because we were talking in a place he didn’t want us to be, and then my husband got a nasty email (with a lot of it being about me as well) from a family member in the name of trying to have good family relations.  And all of this before noon!  The last one was the straw that broke the camel’s back, and I broke down and sobbed.  But instead of being filled with hate and anger and many other negative feelings, I realized these situations are showing me that I need to be more Christlike and positive and that others are in charge of themselves.  I remember last week hearing from Carol Tuttle that our lives are like mirrors: if we have a negative experience, it is showing us that we still must have some issues to deal with.  And obviously yesterday I had some issues with myself and those experiences yesterday showed that to me!  I’m also reminded about the part in The Secret that tells about the gay man who was always heckled by people no matter where he went, because he expected it.  But when he changed that expectation, people left him alone.  So I guess with me being critical of myself, I am still allowing others to be critical of me and then tell me about it.  Also, I’ve been trying to learn lately that it is only up to us to change ourselves and being critical of others won’t change them.  And who says they need to change, just because we think they do!  I am glad that I am learning that this year.  It would be so great if everyone could learn it!

Today I’ve had a little bit harder time not thinking of the nasty email, knowing that someone has very negative feelings about me and my husband, and so I am going to do EFT and meditate for a little while and see if I can get these issues gone in myself.

A thought came to me as I was doing EFT that I remember from reading in Marci Shimoff’s book Happy for No Reason.  She says to question your thoughts, always asking yourself if they are true or not.  So often we think things that we assume are true but which actually aren’t.  We then act like those thoughts were true and cause ourselves much grief, and also causes others grief if we accuse them of things that we thought were true.  Judging others falls into this as well.  If we wouldn’t judge people, we’d be so much better off!  How can we judge others when we don’t know their thoughts or the things they do 24/7?  Many scriptures come to mind about this but I’ll only write this one, “Judge not, that ye be not judged.” I had been working on this earlier this year, but have let it slip and I’m grateful for yesterday’s occurrences that have reminded me that I need to be careful of this as well.

I also need to keep remembering that it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of me, only what God thinks and knows.  For as long as I can remember I have put my worth in the hands of others, so when others find fault in me I think I am a horrible person.  But God knows all, and He is the one that I need to look to to show me my worth.  Yesterday I heard the part in The Secret that talks about how magnificent each of us are, and I have read alot of things about that in the last few months from the leaders of my church.  I need to work harder on making this weakness of mine become strong, and I know that God will help me with it!

Wow, it’s been either Feast or Famine with my writing lately, and today is definitely Feast!

Something else I am grateful that I am learning is to celebrate people’s differences instead of expecting everyone to be like me.  I feel that some people don’t accepted the way I am and want me to change, because I am more introverted than them or I do things differently than they would, and they feel that I am “wrong” and need to change.  But especially with learning about Carol Tuttle’s Energy Profiling I’ve been able to accept myself as good enough, and accept others.  It’s actually been fun to look at someone and try and figure out what their Energy Type is, and then completely accept the way that they do things.  We are all different, and that is perfectly fine.  No one should try and change me, and vice versa.

Good morning!!

I tried running through my day before I got out of bed.  It was a little difficult, but I think it helped me!  It feels so great that I am not grumpy, even though all of my children are.  I love knowing and having the ability to choose how I think, feel, and act!

I took the carpool this morning, and it felt so good to be happy, not be in a rush, and to be kind to other drivers.  I got a big smile and wave from a woman who I let go in front of me.  It felt awesome!

I am feeling really good this morning (part of it may be that I got to sleep-in?!). I woke up and while still laying there I looked at my Vision Wall and pondered about all of it for probably 10 minutes. So I got out of bed already feeling happy, positive, grateful and loving.

For as long as I can remember, my body has healed extremely slowly. Just a couple of examples: I remember as a teenager having a sprained ankle literally for years because it wouldn’t heal quickly and then since it was weak I would sprain it again. And in the summer of 2007 I strained my shoulder sawing a limb off a tree. It still hasn’t healed. I didn’t go to a doctor for it. With all of the “luck” I have had in my life with doctors actually doing anything to heal me I thought, “why bother?” So I’ve had a hurt shoulder for over a year and a half, and it’s caused other problems with my arm, hand and thumb. Anyway, I just tapped on how my body doesn’t heal quickly and the way that God intended it to. And then I tapped on the positive things like, “I allow my body to heal rapidly and the way that God intended it to.” And anything else that I could think of.

This whole quest that I am on is completely a lifestyle change. Whenever I used to hear of something that I wanted to try for healing, I would try it for awhile, or just think of it a couple of times a day or whatever, but I wouldn’t really immerse myself in it. And I would just think, “ok, I’ve tapped on that issue, now I’ll be happy!” or “I completely agree with that idea, so now that I’ve learned it I’ll be happy!” But I didn’t remember the things that I had learned and wasn’t changing my constant negative thinking and feeling patterns. Now that I am doing things the way that I am, it is just so obvious that I was doing things the wrong way before. At least for me, I have to completely surround myself through my entire day with all of this new way of thinking (i.e. Vision Board, Mind Movie, listening to cd’s while I’m in the car or exercising or working around the house, reading and studying these new positive methods and the Law of Attraction and scriptures, writing down Affirmations, looking at all of this stuff even while brushing my teeth) I know that it is paying off. I used to constantly think negative thoughts, but now I find that those negative thoughts just aren’t there. And if they do come, I’m strengthened enough that I can change that thought to a positive one and remember the things that I am learning about. I just love this so much!! I know that I will never be the same as I used to be. Thank heaven.

I went for a walk today. Luckily my knees and everything were well enough! My feet have been bothering me lately, and I really think it’s because I am wearing the same shoes that I’ve had for probably 15 years. Not that I’ve worn them every day, because only a short amount of that time have I actually worn them. But I know they’re worn out. Anyway, I haven’t bought new ones because of lack of money. But, now that I’m getting well, I am going to buy some new ones on Monday because I need them, and because I am getting over my lack of money issues, and money is now finding its’ way to me.

I am listening again to Carol Tuttle’s Affirmations to Change Your Life Now cd, again. I really like most of her stuff, it is so helpful! I don’t say the, ”Thank you God” affirmations, I just think we shouldn’t use His name that often out loud. I am also not quite sure about the whole petitioning your angels idea that she has. I believe that we are to ask God for help, and then if He chooses to help and he needs angels to help us, then He will ask them. But those are the only two things so far that I haven’t agreed with her about.

Tonight Chris and I went to the adult session of Stake Conference (a church meeting twice a year where members of my church in a larger area meet together for spiritual talks and music). Before January, I really tried to go to all church meetings, and I usually was glad that I went. But now, I don’t just try to go, I WANT to go. I have found that every meeting that I go to, I love being there.  I feel very enlightened while I’m there and really just have a wonderful feeling while I’m there and always learn something and feel edified.  In the meeting, it was talked about a little about writing in a journal for posterity to read about your life.

I’m sorry, but I feel like I need to write all of this down. Warning, it’s very negative. I woke up this morning trying to be happy and positive. I did my energy exercises while the kids got ready for school, but no positive feelings would come and I want to cry. I took the carpool very grumpily. As soon as the kids got out of the car I turned on The Secret and did some tapping. With how I was feeling, I didn’t care if anyone saw me. When I got home, I told Adam (5) that I needed a “time out” in my room for a while and took myself straight there. I started bawling. I immediately got on my knees and bawled to Heavenly Father, begging him for help. I feel such sadness, negativity and despair. Has all of my work for the last 5 weeks been for nothing? Am I just undoing all of that hard work right now? I need something great today to let me know that I’ve been on the right track and good things are coming to me. I need someone to support me. I need a mentor or someone to be here for me whenever I need it. I feel like I have no one. I don’t have a best friend. No one understands what I’m going through. My husband has no clue and is not here for me. I feel like he’s fighting against me. Where are all of these feelings coming from? Are they the 20+ years of negativity and despair that are surfacing and I need to tap them out? I got up from my prayer and immediately sat on my bed and tapped like crazy. At first I just tapped on my feelings of despair and sadness while I sobbed. I just kept tapping, and then whenever something came into my mind I’d include that. I didn’t even say anything, I just thought them. After about ten minutes of that, the despair and sadness went away. I wasn’t totally happy, but I needed to get out to Adam and get some of these things written down before I forgot them.

Some video clips just came in my email box from Bob Doyle in the free area of his website. He addresses more about the Law of Attraction that The Secret doesn’t really get in to, and also talks about the media, God or the Creator of the universe and all of these laws and how the Law of Attraction actually is crediting that Creator. That was huge for me to see and answered a lot of my questions!

I just tried to go on a walk. Less than a minute into it, my foot hurt, my knee was straining, and a muscle at the top of my leg hurt. All three of these were in the same leg. So I had to come home. I went straight to Louise Hay’s book You Can Heal Your Life to look at what she says are the mental causes of them. It was very funny what I found. I know that they were true! So I tapped on those.

I’ve still been feeling a little low today. I made sure I played with my boys a lot, which helped them and me. At about 9pm, I reviewed a little of the main things that I have been learning about: LOVE is huge (I looked up in the Topical Guide of my Bible and there are TONS of scriptures about love!), for yourself and everyone. I’m reminded of a children’s song that I grew up with: “Jesus said love everyone, treat them kindly too. When your heart is filled with love, others will love you.” Wow! That’s the Law of Attraction right there! I also love in John 3:16, “God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son.” That’s amazing to me that he gave us Christ and the atonement and all that Jesus did for us because he LOVES us.

Gratitude is another huge one. I wrote down many things in my Gratitude notebook that I am thankful for today.

Carol Tuttle talks a lot about how we are conditioned to believe that it is HAVE, DO, BE, but we really are supposed to live our lives as BE, DO, HAVE.  You need to Be first then Do (inspired action, not just working hard for something) and then you will Have. Other masters of the Law of Attraction have also talked about this. We need to be giving, as much as we can. And, we need to have our energy vibrating at a higher level (Love and Gratitude is the highest – I think that’s what I heard). After thinking about these things, it brought a lot of peace to me and I feel so much better!