I hope that by sharing my honest experiences as I heal, that others will find help and hope. Start at the About My Quest tab.

I received a neat Comment from Pamala Oslie on my New Years’ Eve post!  Thanks Pam, it means so much to me that you would take the time to do that!

I have had many situations lately that have seemed “in my face” regarding an issue I have with relationships and I am unsure of how to clear it.  I am doing the things that I know how, but this issue keeps coming up.  I need some advice on this!  I took myself to my room and said a heartfelt prayer that I will know how to clear this issue that I am so frustrated about lately.  I started tapping on some basics, and I feel like I was given some things in my mind to say and write down.  I feel a little better.  So I will look daily at those positive affirmations that I just wrote down, and see if anything else comes up about this issue.  I am feeling really badly about myself, but trying not to.  I’m tired of creating the same negative issue that I have since I was a child.

So this has been a hard day for me, but I feel like some of these hard issues are being worked out and I’m feeling more encouraged tonight.  Here’s to an awesome day tomorrow!!!!

I’m sorry, but I feel like I need to write all of this down. Warning, it’s very negative. I woke up this morning trying to be happy and positive. I did my energy exercises while the kids got ready for school, but no positive feelings would come and I want to cry. I took the carpool very grumpily. As soon as the kids got out of the car I turned on The Secret and did some tapping. With how I was feeling, I didn’t care if anyone saw me. When I got home, I told Adam (5) that I needed a “time out” in my room for a while and took myself straight there. I started bawling. I immediately got on my knees and bawled to Heavenly Father, begging him for help. I feel such sadness, negativity and despair. Has all of my work for the last 5 weeks been for nothing? Am I just undoing all of that hard work right now? I need something great today to let me know that I’ve been on the right track and good things are coming to me. I need someone to support me. I need a mentor or someone to be here for me whenever I need it. I feel like I have no one. I don’t have a best friend. No one understands what I’m going through. My husband has no clue and is not here for me. I feel like he’s fighting against me. Where are all of these feelings coming from? Are they the 20+ years of negativity and despair that are surfacing and I need to tap them out? I got up from my prayer and immediately sat on my bed and tapped like crazy. At first I just tapped on my feelings of despair and sadness while I sobbed. I just kept tapping, and then whenever something came into my mind I’d include that. I didn’t even say anything, I just thought them. After about ten minutes of that, the despair and sadness went away. I wasn’t totally happy, but I needed to get out to Adam and get some of these things written down before I forgot them.

Some video clips just came in my email box from Bob Doyle in the free area of his website. He addresses more about the Law of Attraction that The Secret doesn’t really get in to, and also talks about the media, God or the Creator of the universe and all of these laws and how the Law of Attraction actually is crediting that Creator. That was huge for me to see and answered a lot of my questions!

I just tried to go on a walk. Less than a minute into it, my foot hurt, my knee was straining, and a muscle at the top of my leg hurt. All three of these were in the same leg. So I had to come home. I went straight to Louise Hay’s book You Can Heal Your Life to look at what she says are the mental causes of them. It was very funny what I found. I know that they were true! So I tapped on those.

I’ve still been feeling a little low today. I made sure I played with my boys a lot, which helped them and me. At about 9pm, I reviewed a little of the main things that I have been learning about: LOVE is huge (I looked up in the Topical Guide of my Bible and there are TONS of scriptures about love!), for yourself and everyone. I’m reminded of a children’s song that I grew up with: “Jesus said love everyone, treat them kindly too. When your heart is filled with love, others will love you.” Wow! That’s the Law of Attraction right there! I also love in John 3:16, “God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son.” That’s amazing to me that he gave us Christ and the atonement and all that Jesus did for us because he LOVES us.

Gratitude is another huge one. I wrote down many things in my Gratitude notebook that I am thankful for today.

Carol Tuttle talks a lot about how we are conditioned to believe that it is HAVE, DO, BE, but we really are supposed to live our lives as BE, DO, HAVE.  You need to Be first then Do (inspired action, not just working hard for something) and then you will Have. Other masters of the Law of Attraction have also talked about this. We need to be giving, as much as we can. And, we need to have our energy vibrating at a higher level (Love and Gratitude is the highest – I think that’s what I heard). After thinking about these things, it brought a lot of peace to me and I feel so much better!

I’m listening to Carol Tuttle’s Art of Manifesting cd today. She has got some really powerful stuff, and it’s neat to hear the information of the Law of Attraction be displayed in different ways.

It will be so nice when my brain lets all of this stuff stick that I’m learning. It’s frustrating that I’m positive one minute, and then everything falls, and I have to build myself up again. I wonder how long it will take? I am positive and happy for a few minutes, and then I’m really low again. I even thought “ok, just go on medication, it’s SO much easier”. But I remember that medication doesn’t work for me anyway, it gives me side effects, AND I want to be healed. So, I’ll stick this out.

I took myself to my room after dinner because I was really low.  I just sat on the bed and cried. I said a prayer first and then I tapped on “even though I’m sad and I have these negative feelings and I have no idea why.” I feel better. It would be so nice for someone to just tell me, “This is what you do, this is how long it will take, these are the feelings you are going to have and they are normal and this is what you do about them.”

Carol Tuttle talks about God in all of this process. She says that He is the co-creator with her in her life. He has created all things and has made it possible for her to create anything. This was good timing: in her cd she just said that since we are so used to the negative states in which we live, we have to be dedicated and stick with this stuff. It might be 6 months until we have really made these changes stick, and we’re going to slip up now and again. That’s great to hear!

I just went on a walk and listened to The Secret, I feel so good and energized now!

I got three fillings yesterday, and with every filling that I’ve ever had (10+), I have had sensitivity, pain, and other problems with them that usually last a few months at least. My new fillings aren’t bothering me at all today. That is a miracle! The Law of Attraction really is working positively for me already!!

Matthew (10) since getting home from school today has been adorable. He has been happy (almost all of the time), and giving me hugs and doing nice things. Maybe the things I’m teaching him about the things I am learning are helping him to be happier, or he’s responding to the changes I am making. Whatever it is, it is so great!

The more I listen to Carol Tuttle’s cd’s, the more I like her. She and I have so many of the same beliefs. And she puts a lot of our shared beliefs in her stuff, whereas most other people don’t.

Another harder morning. Definitely not as hard as my “old self”, but not that easy, either. I took offense at something too which is making it even harder for me to be positive and happy. I said some forgivenesses which helped a little, now I need to focus on getting myself happy for a few minutes.

I said my prayers and I felt better, then I did my energy exercises (from The Promise of Energy Psychology by David Feinstein, Donna Eden, and Gary Craig) while breathing fairly deeply and looking at my Vision Board Wall (I do the homolateral exercises since my energies are switched still. I know they’re switched because I have someone push on my arm while I put my other hand on my head. But I can’t remember now how exactly to tell, and I can’t remember which book it says it in.)

In the mail the other day was a March of Dimes and a Leukemia Lymphoma donation envelope. I never pay to those since I’ve always been in debt and didn’t feel like I could give to those causes, plus I give a 10% tithing to my church already. But I’ve been reading about giving. When we don’t give because we think we don’t have enough money then we’re putting ourselves in the “lack” mode and that we need to help others and give money, even more so than we would normally. So, I did. Instead of throwing the envelopes away, I put $2 in each and sent them off and had feelings of gratitude that we do have money and I can help others. It felt really good! I know $2 isn’t much, but for me it is and I think that’s what matters.

Knowing now what my children’s aura colors (and thus their real personalities) are is helping me to understand them better and be more accepting of them. Pamala Oslie is so awesome!

While I worked on my website, I listened to Carol Tuttle’s “Affirmations to Change Your Life Now”. She says that “I am” are the two most powerful words which to create. She explains when Christ says, “I am that I am” it means He is the Creator. Interesting, I had always wondered what that meant!!

It’s so interesting to me (and a little frustrating, but I’m trying to be positive) that sometimes certain methods of healing will work for me, and other times they don’t. For instance, some days looking at my Vision Board and Mind Movie will really give me a happiness and joyful feeling, but today, I’m having to go deeper than that. Just those simple things aren’t really working for me. I just lay on the bed and meditated for a few minutes and breathed deeply (breathing always helps) and I thought of doing some EFT. I have NO idea why I’m kindof down and grumpy today, so I just tapped on, “I’m feeing down and negative for some reason today”. After doing that for a few minutes, I definitely feel better. Still not what I’ve felt before, but better. So I need to not be discouraged that what I usually do doesn’t work, I just need to keep doing the many things that I’m learning about and I’ll get there.

This just came in an email to me today: “’For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. Be not thou therefore ashamed of the testimony of our Lord.’ (2 Timothy 1:7–8.)” God does not want us to fear, and He has given us power and a sound mind and love. So the negative stuff obviously comes from the adversary because it doesn’t come from God!

I’ve been thinking about my knees and it keeps popping into my mind about what it says in James 2:17 “Faith, if it hath not works, is dead.” I take that to mean that we can’t just have faith and do nothing to help things along. We can’t expect Heavenly Father to do EVERYTHING for us. For instance, we’re told that we need to exercise to be healthy. Well, if I don’t like exercising, does God accept that and say, “Ok, since you don’t like to do it, I’ll just strengthen your body for you.” Nope. He doesn’t work that way. So, since I’ve prayed for healing, maybe Heavenly Father expects me to do “works” as well. I did EFT, but I think maybe He wants me to strengthen my knees on my own. Especially since I haven’t had regular exercise in probably 10 years, my knees are weak. So I need to do my part to strengthen them. Yuck. But I want healing, so I’ll do the dreaded walking every day and specific knee-strengthening exercises so that I can eventually dance and do other fun exercising. I’ve done knee strengthening exercises in the past, and while it definitely strengthened my leg muscles, it didn’t help my knee problems. But, now that I am focusing on using The Law of Attraction in a positive way, maybe this time it will work!

This was very timely, but an email just came from The Science of Getting Rich about Actions. It talked about how we shouldn’t just work hard for something, but think about what you want first, and really believe you can have it, then act (and it should be Inspired Action, like it says in The Secret)

Ok, I just went on a walk. I almost didn’t go, but I just stopped thinking about it and got ready and out the door. I said affirmations to myself the whole way (only about 15 minutes, but it’s a start!) and really tried to breathe deeply and lots. Now that I’m home, I still feel like I want to focus on breathing and do it deeply. It feels really good. I still want to research more into it, but I looked up breathe and Breath of Life in the scriptures, and I found in Genesis 2:7 “And the Lord God…breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.” I find that very interesting. By God’s breath, man came alive? Yes, breathing sustains our life and if we go for more than a few minutes without it we die, but why? Why can we go without food and water for days longer, but not without air? Then in Genesis 7:22 it’s talking about during the flood of Noah, and how when the flood came everything died, “All in whose nostrils was the breath of life, of all that was in the dry land, died.” I want to research this more later.

Adam is in his room screaming at me. He’s been sad, angry, non-compliant, argumentative, and not listening all week. If I am getting better, why is he getting worse? It’s been nice, though, that I haven’t been mean back to him. I’ve stayed calm, most of the time. I did raise my voice once to him, but I am trying to be proud of myself that I did so well! And I FEEL better about myself when I do positive things, which makes me in a better mood!

Wow this has been a roller coaster of a day with my moods. I can’t seem to stay positive. This evening was very rotten, I got mad at Adam and was just totally frustrated with him and the other boys. I always feel so bad when the boys go to bed with me mad. After they got in bed, I’ve been sitting here in the quiet, reading my scriptures, then doing some EFT on Adam and me. I think I know what his problem is this week, that I’ve hardly paid any attention to him, other than telling him “no” or just micro-managing things he should be doing. I’m sure that he hasn’t been listening to me, yelling at me, saying I’m being mean, etc. because he’s starving for my attention, poor little boy. Tomorrow I will do better. Hopefully that is the answer. In the meantime, I’m trying to forgive myself and be positive. I need to go to bed early.