I hope that by sharing my honest experiences as I heal, that others will find help and hope. Start at the About My Quest tab.

The Universe keeps bringing Agency to my attention the last few days, so I guess there is something I need to pay attention to and learn from!

Last night, Chris gave our family a lesson for our Family Home Evening on Agency and choices.  And on Sunday, one of the lessons that was taught in church was about Agency!  The teacher asked the attendees to give examples of how we have made a choice and then noticed the consequences of those choices (she only wanted good examples).  I immediately thought of a choice that I made with Nicholas being born, but I felt stupid sharing it in the class.  But I will share it here.  When I was 7 months along with my oldest child, I was 21 years old, we were told that he had a hole in his heart which would need open-heart surgery, plus he had a “coarctation” (a narrowing of an arch in his heart, which would need to be fixed a few days after his birth), and on top of that there is a 50% chance that he could have Down syndrome which will bring a whole slew of problems on its’ own.  Our world was shattered – or so we thought.  We decided to have an amniocentesis just to be sure so that we were prepared at his birth.  We met with the Geneticist and we were told that he does have Down syndrome and that abortion is an option if we choose it.  I have never believed in abortion, and although at the time I felt like my life was basically over and would be miserable from then on,  it was a very easy decision to keep him.  As I look back on the last 13-1/2 years since Nicholas’ birth, I am so amazed that even though it has been a hard road with him I have learned so much and wouldn’t trade him for anything!  He has brought things into my life that I never could have learned or experienced otherwise.  I know that Chris feels the same way.  So my point is that not all of our choices that we make in life are going to be easy or fun, but if they are right then the pay-offs will be well-worth it and amazing!

Today this was on Carol Tuttle’s Remembering Wholeness Facebook Group Page:  “In every moment, during every day of your life, you have choices. The choice to create more struggle or the choice to create more freedom and joy.” “Choose thoughts that support you in feeling good more and more each day.”

And to end, this story was forwarded to me through email this morning.  I love it…

John is the kind of guy you love to hate.   He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say.  When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, ‘If I were any better, I would be twins!’  He was a natural motivator.  If an employee was having a bad day, John was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.  Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up and asked him, ‘I don’t get it!  You can’t be a positive person all of the time.  How do you do it?’

He replied, ‘Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today.  You can choose to be in a good mood or…you can choose to be in a bad mood.  I choose to be in a good mood.  Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or…I can choose to learn from it.  I choose to learn from it.  Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or…I can point out the positive side of life.  I choose the positive side of life.’

‘Yeah, right, it’s not that easy,’ I protested.

‘Yes, it is,’ he said.  ‘Life is all about choices.  When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice.  You choose how you react to situations.  You choose how people affect your mood.  You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood.  The bottom line:  It’s your choice how you live your life.’

I reflected on what he said.  Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business..  We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that he was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower.  After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, he was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back.  I saw him about six months after the accident.  When I asked him how he was, he replied, ‘If I were any better, I’d be twins…Wanna see my scars?’  I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place.  ‘The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon-to-be born daughter,’ he replied.  ‘Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices:  I could choose to live or…I could choose to die.  I chose to live.’

‘Weren’t you scared?  Did you lose consciousness?’  I asked..

He continued, ‘….the paramedics were great.  They kept telling me I was going to be fine.  But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared.  In their eyes, I read ‘he’s a dead man’.  I knew I needed to take action.’

‘What did you do?’ I asked.

‘Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me,’ said John.  ‘She asked if I was allergic to anything ‘Yes, I replied.’  The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply.  I took a deep breath and yelled, ‘Gravity’  Over their laughter, I told them, ‘I am choosing to live.  Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead.’”

He lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude….I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully.  Attitude, after all, is everything.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.’

After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

I just listened to Carol Tuttle’s podcast from August 3, 2009 “Learning to Live True to ME…” and towards the end of the radio show she responds to a few callers.  These last few minutes were amazing for me and just what I needed to hear right now.  Carol told one caller to enjoy the journey and process of this life, and not give herself a timeline as to when she needs to get past an issue.  This life is about the process we are all on to improve, so we need to enjoy it and be happy while we’re experiencing it all.  Carol has been practicing the Law of Attraction stuff for 18 years, and she still practices it daily and is still dealing with issues.

Another thing she said which was awesome was that out of all of the information that she has out for people, she says that Energy Profiling should be learned first to get to know our true nature.  I thought that was so interesting that she thinks it is the number 1 thing that everyone should learn about first.  And as I think about that, I agree with her.  I was introduced to Remembering Wholeness years ago and I liked it.  I read her next book It’s Just My Nature! when it first came out in 2009 and it completely clicked with me and I haven’t been able to stop talking or thinking about it.  It has done wonders for me in learning about who I really am and honoring myself, and also honoring everyone else and not expecting others to be like me.  So click here for the Energy Profiling website – that is where to start.  You can buy the book “It’s Just My Nature!” from there, she has specials on there frequently where you get the book and the online course and something else for a good price.  I’d suggest doing that.  Or you can just buy the book from Amazon.com or some other place.  The next step after you figure out what your energy type is.  You don’t determine it by how you act right now – because alot of us aren’t acting who we TRULY are.  I had acted completely different for 24 years.  This isn’t a personality test.  It is about your energy.  It might take a while to figure out your true Energy Type, but it is so worth it!  They have a few ways of helping us figure out what our true Energy Type is.  Then once you know that, then go to Dressing Your Truth to learn about how to dress the way that is honoring to your energy.  It really does make a difference.  Everyone who has gone through this system says it is life changing, and it really is!  It is amazing information and I am SO grateful for it!!!

When I read Remembering Wholeness I feel a happiness, a warmth in my chest, and a sense of knowing that it is true! I love that feeling, and get the same thing after praying about something specific, or when I am in the temple, or while reading The Book of Mormon or other scriptures. I am now on Chapter 11 and there is just way too much to write about. I am so grateful for Carol Tuttle and all of the knowledge and help she has brought to me!

I love this idea that reality is completely based upon our perception. Somehow we are trained to believe that reality is fixed and if it’s reality for us then it’s everyone else’s reality. It’s not true! I have had many experiences that prove this to me. Just because we think something, doesn’t mean it is. I love where Carol talks about how we can change our perception. “One of the greatest powers in healing that we have is the ability to change our perception, to take something that seems overwhelming and hurtful and make it seem like no big deal, or to be able to say, ‘it just is.’ We usually only have to make something a big deal if we want to be right more than we want to be happy.” Again, I have had many experiences that prove to me that this is so true. We can choose the way we perceive an experience, or something that someone says to us or doesn’t say. It is our perception of that event that makes us have an emotional response!  My husband is such a positive example of this for me.  90+% of the time he perceives things to be positive or neutral and has a hard time understanding me when I take offense at something.  He chooses to not think the worst and to give people the benefit of the doubt.  He is SO much happier and calm because he does this!  Here is a perfect example that was just barely shown to me as I am writing this post.  My sisters and I are very close, and one of them has been letting us know about specifics of her life right now.  I haven’t heard anything from her in 2 days and so I am feeling “ignored and like she is mad at me”.  I emailed another sister just now asking if she’s heard anything and, “I wonder if she is mad at us?”  She laughed and said that this sister is at Disney’s Hollywood Studios today, so she can’t email or anything!  See, so it’s completely my perception and I’m feeling bad because I perceive that she is ignoring me and mad at me.  So now I need to figure out how I can tap on this habit of mine of thinking that I cause people to be mad at me all of the time and that people ignore me.  Sorry, I’ve been trying to not get too specific lately about my problems, but this one was just too obvious and in my face to ignore!  Ok, so back to the book.   She shares a story about us as spirit beings before we were born on the earth, and how we were perfect in the state we were in but we needed to come down here and learn lots of things.  And we knew that people would hurt us down here, but maybe they volunteered for it to help us learn because they love us so much.  I can’t explain it well, you’ll just have to read it!  It starts at the bottom of page 19.  But I love that analogy, that maybe the people who hurt us in this life are really our loved ones from heaven trying to help us, and if we perceive it in this way then it will be so much easier to not take offense and to forgive!  I need to bookmark this post and read it often.

I just started re-reading Carol Tuttle‘s Remembering Wholeness tonight.  I am not sure that I have read it since being on my quest.  If I have, it was fairly early-on and with all that I have experienced and learned this year, I am adoring this book and I’m only on the second chapter!  As soon as I finish writing this, I will type out several of the things she says in chapter 2 and print it out to look at every day.  If you haven’t read this book yet, or if you haven’t read it in a while, I highly recommend reading it now.  It is amazing, and I am excited what my quest will be like now after reading it again.  Here are some quotes that I love just from chapter 2: “As you set thoughts of what you want in motion, in combination with the excited emotion, you will be in a perfect position to receive that which you desire.”   “The more specific you are about what you want, the more specifically you will receive that which you want.”   “Ask yourself, ‘Why are you creating that? Why are you attracting that into your life? What do you have to learn from it? What do you really want? If the ideal thing happened in this situation, what would that look like? You can create anything you want; what do you want to happen?’”  “Catch yourself thinking the worst and ask yourself in that moment, ‘If I could have anything I want in this situation, what would that look like?’”

I’ve been thinking more about my knees and other physical problems this morning, and I wonder if I’m not letting myself heal because I have always hated to exercise so I’m giving myself a good reason to not do it.  So I tapped on that.  We’ll see if that was the problem keeping me stuck.  At this point, if EFT and visualizations don’t work, I’m not sure what else to try.

Before my quest, I would just go through my life and let things happen to me and not take charge.  But now, I am trying to be aware (like they say to do on The Secret) of all of my thoughts, feelings, body, experiences, etc. and do something about it if I don’t like them.  If I have a pain or discomfort, I try to figure out why I have it and get rid of that reason.  If there is a negative experience, I try and learn from it and choose to have better experiences in the future.  It is so different to feel like I have a lot of control over my life, instead of just being a victim.  Carol Tuttle in Remembering Wholeness has a chapter about the purpose of negative emotions.  “Being in a place of feeling good allows our negative emotions to play the role they were designed to play for us.  God knew we would need a mechanism to give us clear and immediate feedback to guide our lives.”

I like this scripture, “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7–8)  These are things that I am now working toward.  It is so helpful for me to remember these things, and I am grateful that He is helping me!

I don’t remember if I said this back in January, sorry if it’s redundant.  Pre-My Quest, when I would learn new ways of thinking, or hear of new methods to improve myself, I would be frustrated because it required alot of time for me to change.  But now, I see that compared to how much time I might be alive, the time I invest in learning is practically no time at all.  All of the time I am taking now, will be WELL worth it so that the rest of my life can be happy, fulfilled, abundant, and successful.

I thought this morning was going to start out better.  The second that I woke up I thought positive thoughts and ran through my “I am” statements and tried to feel good.  But very soon after, I had some issues with my son, and that set me back.  I’ve been trying to get better, but I haven’t been able to dedicate the time that I need yet.  And I need to feel better in 4 hours, because that same son has his heart check-up and we’ll be there for hours.  Wish me luck.

I am listening to an audio file with Carol Tuttle talking about God and the Law of the Attraction.  She talks about many neat things, and I love how she talks about the LofA (she likes to call it the Law of Creation) just being a law or an equation and not something to worship, and that God is the creator of the LofA as well as all of the other laws of the universe, and He can co-create our lives with us.  I’m a firm believer in all of this as well.  And her book Remembering Wholeness is awesome, it’s packed with such great information.  I am continuously reading it, slowly.  There is so much in there to remember, so I have to keep reading it to absorb everything.

For the last two hours I have been listening to Carol Tuttle and The Secret.  I feel so much better.  I have just made a discovery: when I get very low, my thoughts are stuck in the negative and it’s hard to get out since it has been natural for many years.  So I need to immerse myself in everything positive, especially by putting on something positive to listen to so that my mind can’t wander to the negative, can get unstuck, and then focus on positive things.  I felt SO much better that I just meditated for a few minutes and was able to feel happy and peaceful while doing it.  I have to remember this!

I took my son to his Cardiology appointment this afternoon, it lasted for 3-1/2 hours.  I was amazed because I didn’t have any anxiety at all there.  We had spent so much time at that children’s hospital in his first 5 years of life, and with so much anxiety and stress associated with it, that it truly is amazing that I was fine being there.  Alot of bad memories came to me, but the emotional responses to them didn’t.  Yea!

It has been a nice morning so far – I’ve really tried to stay smiling and positive and speaking kindly while getting the boys ready for school. It’s nice to start the day off well!

I had a ½ hour phone session with Pamala Oslie this morning – she is so incredible! What a kind and helpful person she is, and what a gift she has! She is definitely one of my heroes. The things she told me completely coincided with the things that my Patriarchal Blessing (in my church, these are blessings told to us about our life to give us more direction) tells me. Now after the session, I feel so awesome! I am SO excited to live and to see what comes about in my life! (That is completely the opposite feeling than what I’ve had for most of my life. What a difference!) And now that she told me my family’s Life Colors, I can easier help my children be who they are.

I just had a great conversation with my son Matthew (10). His brother Adam (5) has been SO excited all day for him to come home and see his Lego Starwars game that he’s been playing. Matthew got home, and realized that somehow Adam had wiped out Matthew’s game which was hard for him to get to the higher levels. Both my boys came upstairs bawling – Matthew because his game was wiped out, Adam because Matthew was mad at him. So I explained to Matthew some of the things that I’ve been learning about. We can’t change the past. We can only learn from mistakes. It was an accident that Adam wiped his game out, and there’s nothing we can do now to change it. We can choose to be upset about the past and hurt people because we’re hurting, or choose to let it roll off us and move on and be happy. I told him to breathe deeply and focus on right now. I said that it is completely up to us what we make of this life. Do we make things hard, or easy? We don’t have to make them hard – that is up to us. If something SEEMS hard, are we going to let it BE hard, or make it BE easy? It’s up to us to choose and act accordingly. He understood the things I said to him, and felt like they were true. It’s so great that I can pass this knowledge that I am gaining onto my children, and help their lives to be better! I wish I had learned these lessons many years ago. But I know it now, and I’m not turning back. Life is SO much nicer already! I know it going to be so awesome when I’ve let these new truths stick!

Carol Tuttle in Remembering Wholeness said that when she was trying to change:

“I would walk around the house repeating between fifty to one hundred times a day, ‘I am happy, life is easy, and it is familiar.’ I would notice and catch myself making life harder than it had to be and say to myself, Some part of me is still believing I am a victim and that life has to be hard. Then I would ask myself, What do I want? I want to feel good, I want to be happy, and I want others to feel good just being around me. Then I would translate that into self-affirmations and say to myself, I am feeling good. I am happy. I am experiencing others feeling good just from being in my presence. Whatever you are currently dealing with, know that it no longer has to be hard or take a long time to change. Your intention to feel good right now will be honored, and your life will start to change. Keep coming back to that and think good thoughts as many times as you need to. It will become your reality.”

I love this. I am going to print it out and add it to the things I look at every day.

I picked Matthew up (and hugged him) as he wrapped his legs around me and he said, “Your legs are getting stronger!” I wasn’t sure what he meant. So he said, “You didn’t used to be able to pick me up without it hurting your legs.” I was excited! But then I walked up the stairs a few minutes later and I strained my knee. I need to be healed to be able to exercise, dance, have fun, etc. But how? What do I need to do to be healed? I just looked up “healing” in the scriptures, and found about the man who wanted to be healed but didn’t believe, so he prayed for faith (“heal thou my unbelief”) and then he was healed. So, is it as easy as just having the faith that Heavenly Father, through Christ, can heal me? If so, I must not have enough faith. I even prayed for it, and I guess I still don’t have it. I don’t understand.

I’m almost done reading Happy for No Reason. I used to think that certain people are just born happy, and the rest of us don’t get that privilege and there’s nothing that we can do about it. I’m seeing that it isn’t the case! There are so many things that we can do so that we can be happy for no reason. That is so exciting to me!

I am still making a conscious effort to smile, think positive things, be grateful, not be bugged when things don’t go the way I think they should, and feel positive. It really is amazing how much nicer I am and better I feel! I still am a little impatient, but nowhere near what was normal for me. I’d really love for my knees to stop hurting soon so that I can get dancing and being more physically active. Am I just supposed to believe that they are already healed and let it go? Will that really be the trick? I don’t know, but I think I’ve been trying. And when will my travels start to pick up again? When the money flows in? When will that be? Ok, so I’m being impatient, and I need to think and feel that those things have already happened.

I’ve just watched my Mind Movie again. Ryan Higgins says that you only need to watch it twice a day. But since I think I am a “stubborn” case, I’m watching it at least 3 times, or as much as I can. I LOVE watching it!

I think something that I’m doing is working! Just since last night, I’ve had three “Friends” send me messages on Facebook saying hello and wondering how I am doing. That was absolutely unheard of for me. And two people have asked to be my “Friend” – I’m excited and encouraged!

Tonight I started listening to Carol Tuttle’s cd “Clear Your Debt, Create Harmony & Prosperity with Money” (this cd has been discontinued, but she has Manifesting More Money Bootcamp”). I had listened to several of her cd’s a few years ago, and had read her book “Remembering Wholeness”, but of course I didn’t allow the information to stick in me. I’m going to let it stick now. I will start reading her book again, I remember that I loved it.