My husband took this picture last night of our oldest son, Nicholas, who has Down syndrome. He plays on the high school JV basketball team. He is such a blessing to me. God knew I needed him.
I am noticing more and more that I need an almost-constant emotional connection with my husband. If he goes into his emotional “cave” or “is pulled away like a rubber-band” as John Gray says (Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus), for longer than a few days then I don’t function very well: I can’t think clearly, I am not motivated to do anything, I have a hard time being happy or positive about anything, I can’t breathe as well, I eat for comfort, and my security blankie gets over-used. I had noticed this a little in the past, but I am definitely noticing it lately. And the longer he stays “away” the harder it is on me. This doesn’t have anything to do with physical love, or physical location. Chris can be out of town on business for 2 weeks and there is still a connection there. I’m talking about when he needs space emotionally.
Now I assume this is just because of my own issues, plus being a Type 2 (Carol Tuttle’s Energy Profiling - people who are Type 2 are generally calm, relaxed, need connections and comfort, heart centered), and not a universal woman thing. Ladies, is this true for you, too? Or is it just me?
So if it is just me, then I need to figure out what issues I have that are causing my happiness to be dependent on my husband. I guess that’s a good place to start: “my happiness being dependent on my husband”! Could it be that easy? Well, also, since it bothers me and I am focused on it, then I am creating more of it and creating him staying “away” longer. So I also need to not let it bother me when he needs some space, and be grateful for the times that he is emotionally with me. ”What you focus on you get more of.”
(FYI: Chris is the one who suggested that I blog about this. )
I have tested out this Law of Attraction rule, and it is true. “Whatever you focus on expands.” -Carol Tuttle
Whether it is:
The list is endless. Everything expands, good or bad, positive or negative. If you focus on it, it gets bigger.
A small example of this is when my kids are in a bad mood. I remind them that they are bringing more negativity to themselves, and it is up to them if they want to change it or not. If they choose not to, they usually end up getting hurt (like my broken finger), and/or staying in a foul mood and usually it ends up worse, and they take offense at everything. But if they change their mood and focus on good things and being happy, then they are delightful to be around because they usually are in an even better mood than usual.
Another example is the Depression I had. I was always thinking negatively, and so that is what I got – more negativity. But the more I focus on good and positive things, the more of it that gets brought into my life/mind.
I remember from The Secret, Jack Canfield said, “Whatever you think about and thank about, you bring about.” And Joe Vitale said, “Thoughts become things.”
Thinking negatively, about anything/anyone, doesn’t do any good, it just brings more of that to you. So focus on what you WANT instead of what you DON’T want.
I have been looking forward to today and tomorrow to see how different this year will be than last year was. I don’t know how much I wrote about Christmas Eve and Day last year, so I’ll write as much as I can remember just in case. I remember being angry on Christmas Eve as I was preparing food and having the kids home, which took so much out of me. I don’t know why I was so angry after dinner, but we were supposed to go down to Temple Square in Salt Lake City to see the lights on the trees and see the nativity scene. I had no desire to go. I took myself to my room and laid down with the lights off, in a very deep depression. That was one of the times I was a little suicidal. Chris tried to help me feel better, and somehow he did because I ended up going with my family. Christmas day was a little better, but I was still in a very deep depression. I enjoyed doing Christmas, but I felt awful inside. Pictures that were taken of me that day show the state I was in around that time. I am excited to see what Christmas Day this year will bring.
This year there are similarities, unfortunately, but many differences too. I have been doing very well the last few days. We went caroling Monday night on a spur-of-the-moment (unheard of for me pre-Quest) and it was fun and not stressful, and last night we went driving around after the boys’ bedtime (also unheard of!) looking at lights on houses and listening to Christmas music. I have been in a fine mood and enjoying myself and all of the preparations, but today I have let some frustrations creep in and by this afternoon, I was full-on mad. I just realized that for some reason I am creating my children being rude to each other daily, even though we do our best to teach them to be kind. My family was going sledding today and I was excited to go with them, but I let myself get so upset about my childrens’ behavior to each other that I didn’t feel like going. Chris said that he is worried about me getting into the depression again if I stay hurt and angry, and said that he knows I can get myself out of this if I choose to. These were so good for me to hear from him. I needed to stay home to get myself out of that hole, although I am not happy that I created another situation similar to last year where I didn’t want to go do something fun with my family. I need to change this cycle. The day isn’t over yet, and I want to have today and tomorrow end up being very positive for the first time in my adult life. I need to remember what Carol Tuttle always says, that we create everything in our lives. I want to create happiness and great experiences!!!