My husband took this picture last night of our oldest son, Nicholas, who has Down syndrome. He plays on the high school JV basketball team. He is such a blessing to me. God knew I needed him.
Growing up, I always felt like I couldn’t be confident, like myself, or love myself, or I would be conceited. So I had no self-esteem, and am still working on gaining it.
Lately I have been wondering what the difference is between confidence and conceit? Dictionaries define Conceit as “feelings of excessive pride, an exaggerated opinion of one’s own qualities or abilities” and Confidence as “the acceptance and belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities.”
I have noticed lately that Carol Tuttle is very confident, and I just love that about her. I wondered how she does it, so I emailed her last week:
“I absolutely love how confident you are! You give off an amazing energy because of it – there is definitely a difference in someone’s energy when they are confident vs. having low self-esteem. Lately I have been working on loving myself and not putting myself down. But since we are taught so young that it is wrong if we love ourselves and are confident, I am nervous that I will be perceived as conceited. (I am still clearing my “fear of what other people think” with your video ) How are you able to exude such a positive energy about yourself and have it not perceived as negative? “
She emailed back and asked if I would call into her radio show and we could talk about it there so that others can benefit as well. So I called last night, and I loved the things she said. Here is the entire podcast, I called in at 38:18.
I’ve been feeling frustrated today because I have gotten so dependent on my husband for things, since he is stronger and more knowledgeable (he is such a great do-it-yourself-er) than me. I feel like I need him all of the time to do things for me, and it’s gotten to me today. So I decided that I am just going to do as much as I possibly can on my own, even if it is really hard, and then I’ll ask Chris to do for me what I just can’t do for myself. So, I started by cleaning up the front area of my house which Chris has had on his to-do-list for a long time. It has bugged me for months and I notice it every day, but instead of being bugged anymore I decided I’m just going to take care of it myself. So I did, and it felt great!! I need to remember that I am capable, and really can do many things that I don’t realize that I can. It’s good for my self-esteem!
I realized coming home on the airplane a few days ago that my self esteem/worth has gotten very low again, and I am not sure how to increase it. I guess I need to go back and read in my blog and see if I can figure out what I had done early on in my quest. It is amazing to me how much self esteem effects my whole world.
It has been hard on this trip to remember all of the things I have learned on my quest. But I still have remembered much of it, and some of it is just second-nature to me now. I am looking forward to the day when all of this is second-nature and I don’t even have to think about it. But for now, I am grateful that I have the knowledge to remember because my life is so much happier and better.
I realized yesterday that I am slipping away again from loving myself. I got a compliment from Chris’ co-worker last night but I didn’t take it as a compliment, I thought that he was patronizing me or just making conversation. About an hour later, after I had stewed about it in my mind and felt badly about myself and was in a bad mood, I told Chris about what I was thinking. He assured me that this man doesn’t say things that he doesn’t mean. I remembered the previous night that we were going out to dinner with his co-workers, and I almost didn’t go because I felt so badly about myself. So I realized that on this trip I have really let my self-esteem get low, which makes it harder for me to love others as well, and makes me not very pleasant to be around. So today, I am grateful that I brought my iPod with me and I have been listening to my Affirmations. I will go back up to my room (I am writing this in the lobby) and do some EFT for my self-esteem and enlist the Lord’s help again – I have forgotten lately that He wants to help me and loves me. What a blessing that I have all of this information in my life!